Im A Big Fat Hog

My symptoms are steadily increasing diffculty in securing one's trousers without an elaborate pulley system and three roadies.In extreme cases i begin smelling like a burger to those around me.The only treatment i've found is to drink plenty of fluids preferably beer.Im really not a big fat hog,i suffer from lardophilia.

Eyes Wide Open

Im stressed,i can't sleep,for the rest of my life.One morning i woke up and stayed up.One wide-awake night became two,two became six.Soonmy blood pressure and pulse elevated from the lack of sleep.I began overheating due to the spikes in pressure,even in chilly rooms,i'd find myself dripping sweat.Months passed,my eyes began tearing and would'nt stop.I was lucky to dose an hour at night.I lost control of my muscles,and walking became impossible,as did coherent speech.A year later i could no longer breathe on my own.I was on a aspirator,suffering dementia,and finally bedridden.Then one day with my eyes wide open i snapped out of it and was completely recovered.

You're Not A Pervert

If you have Acute Mammomania,the symtomsare uncontrollable im pulse to psychotically lock eyes on any rack that bounces back your radar.Sufferers risk prosecution and drinks in the face.The treatment is blindfolds or bodyguards.If these episodes are allowed to continue without treatment ,they can often lead to involuntary rapid testicle compression and a sock in the jaw for good measure,so remember your not a pervert.

Dangerous Minds

More people relate to Joe Millionaire than Joe Mon tana.Baretta's in the big house.And your prozac script is running out.Seems like the world's gone crazy.Well,here are the eight more things to worry about .The following severe mental disorders don't just drive you nuts;they make your every moment a living nightmare.These brain-shredding diseases make you want to--or have to--claw out yourown eyes or hump things in body bags.Thats why i use Givenchy its very irresistible.For all you Dangerous Minds out there who want to smell your best click here.

Davidoff-Cool Water

We pretended not to notice their anti-American rabble-rousing.We didn't interfere when they committed one cultural atrocity after another. We turned the other check as they built up weapons of mass destruction. The country that hones her nukes by destroying Pacific islands.the nation that stuffs our ports with rancid cheese but rallies to keep American movies out of her precious cinema.Who unties France from the tree and helps her find her panties every time the Germans are done with her?Davidoff??with Cool Water perhaps we really don't know but for more on Davidoff click here.

Shania Twain

Country music has a long,proud history of achingly beautiful female voices:Connie Francis,Tanya Tucker,Loretta Lynn,John Denver...the list goes on and on.But those beautiful voices come in all kinds of containers,from coal miners daughters to mother-daughter tag teams to freakishly busty theme-park owners.Every once in a blue moon, however, the songbird voice emerges from a true drop-dead gorgeous beauty.Which brings us to the reigning queen of country,Shania Twain the jewelry that this drop-dead gorgeous beauty where is second to none.To see a wide varity of jewelry click here.

Giuliana DePandi

It takes more than a dazzling smile and a DNA link to Joan Rivers to make it as an E! news personality.Just ask Giuliana DePandi,who's been training for desk duty almost since birth.As a little girl she learned english by watching the news after her family moved here from Italy.The jewelry she must where is as dazzling as she is to see some dazzling jewelry click here.