Slow on the Draw

A cowboy is walking down the street wearing nothing but his hat and boots. The sheriff stops him and ask,"Why the hell are you walking around naked?" The cowboy replies,"Well,I was in a bar,and this pretty li'l redhead asks me to go to a hotel with her, so i did. We get there, and she asks me to pull off my shirt, so i did. Then she asks me to pull off my pants and my shorts, so i did." The country boy spits out some terbacky juice and continues, Then she gets on the bed and says, Now go to town ,cowboy. So here i am." What a bonehead.

A Failure to Communicate

A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker are sitting in a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but the steak on the menu is not available, as there's a shortage." The Texan asks," Whats a shortage?" The Russian asks,"Whats a steak?" The New Yorker asks," What the hell does excuse me mean?"

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Indian Winter

Its October,and an Indian chief thinks its going to be a cold winter. So he instructs his tribe to collect wood. To double-check his prediction, the chief calls the National Weather Service and asks a meteorologist if the winter is going to be a cold one. The man responds,"According to our indicators, we think it might." So the chief tells his people to find extra wood, just in case. A week later he calls the National Weather Service again, and they confirm that a harsh winter is headed their way. The chief orders all his people to scavenge every scrap of wood they can. Two weeks later he calls the National Waether Service again and asks,"Are you absolutely sure this winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutelt," the man replies."The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."

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Santa Maria

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 Children. One day her husband dies. A year later she remarries and goes on to have 22 more kids. After the last one is born, her second husband croaks. A month later Mariadies as well. At her wake the priest looks tenderly at Maria in her coffin, looks up to the heaven,and says,"Finally,they're together." A man standing next to the priest asks,"Excuse me,Father,but do you mean Maria and her first husband or Maria and her second husband?" The priest grimaces and answers,"I mean her legs."